I awoke from my slumber this morning and breakfasted upon a delicious banana.
I had no way of knowing that this banana, as it endured the unimaginable pain of death by mastication, in its death throes called out to the universe.
“Remember me!” it cried. “Remember that I was. And avenge me…avenge me…”
I did not hear this, as the language of bananas is even more alien and foreign to me than the babblings and gigglings of girls gibbering about the merits of Justin Beiber.
To me, the only sound was “squersh, mersh, smack” and the other sounds of chewing one normally associates with the destruction of banana by tooth.
I can only imagine what occurred as a result of this banana’s final words…
Miles away, in the parking lot of a Goodwill store and donation station, someone…I have no way of knowing who…was eating a banana. As they finished off their snack, something…some strange compulsion, caused them to drop the peel on the concrete rather than discard of it in a convenient rubbish receptacle. They departed, leaving the peel to moulder in the Texas sun.
Later…After much procrastination, I willed myself to go to the Goodwill in a desperate search for an essential costume piece for the play in which I will be appearing beginning this Friday.
I enjoyed a pleasant drive to the Goodwill, enjoying the music of Empire of the Sun and sipping on a Grande Skinny Mocha beverage from Starbucks.
As I exited my vehicle, I looked down and took note of a banana peel, browning and slightly rippled from the hot sun.
I thought nothing of it, except perhaps to remember the delicious flavor of the banana I had consumed this morning…the banana that unbeknownst to me, had cursed me.
My visit to the Goodwill store went quickly and without incident. I located a jacket I found acceptable and it fit me well enough. I purchased it and left the store in excellent spirits.
I approached my vehicle, looking at the surrounding buildings and hills, noting the increasingly heavy traffic. Then my left foot, instead of finding the usual purchase one would expect to find on parking lot concrete, continued moving forward as I stepped, rapidly increasing its speed.
My mind became of jumble of confused, disjointed thoughts.
“Oh shit! I’m fucking slipping!”
“What am I slipping on?!”
I attempted to go down on my right knee, thinking that I could gracefully come to a stop in that way. But my right leg was repugnant to command. Instead, it spasmed and shot out wildly in the opposite direction I had intended.
I was falling…falling down and to the side. The plastic bag I carried flew in front of me as my arms flailed, desperately trying to catch upon something…anything to save myself. But it was not meant to be.
I impacted the ground arse-first. My head flopped to the side, thudding loudly against the side of my car, causing the anti-theft system to begin its incessant honking. I slid to my back, my right leg twisted beneath me.
I took stock of my situation for a moment before realizing that my car was, in its attempt to frighten away thieves, drawing the attention of everyone within earshot to my prone, pathetic form upon the ground. I fumbled with my keys and disabled the alarm. I stood, dusted myself off, feeling the flush of embarrassment in my face.
The silence was broken by a tiny tittering sound. I looked up and saw a child leaning on the railings near the Goodwill. She was round faced and wearing a pink shirt. She was pointing at me.
“He fell down!” she said to someone behind her. “He fell! Hee hee hee!”
I smiled awkwardly at her, picked up my shopping bag (and what was left of my dignity) and retreated to the safety of my vehicle.
Now…as I eat a leisurely lunch at Chilis, I look back upon these events and share them with you…dear Reader…while the sound of mad circus music floats through my mind.